%CELEBRATE

& then it hit me. i realized you were there all along.

she is the one and only susie ryuu. susie ryuu also likes to go by the name suse, or ryuumonster. she enjoys pleasant walks in the summertime and loves walking through snow in the winter. love her, and she'll love you back just the same. susie ryuu enjoys playing the piano and the guitar, sometimes jamming with friends. she loves dinosaurs. & her friends. friends more than dinosaurs? maybe. well known fact; susie ryuu cannot watch scary movies without crying. she also loves to talk in third person. to the right: entries ; click entries for my blog posts (: / tagboard ; click tagboard for.. my tagboard :3 under construction atm >< / others ; click others for my other blog posts , starting from november till now , as well as some of my other friends' blogs~ / have fun stalking me.

11:24 AM

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

i hate this classic layoutt . but it'll have to do , cos if i change it to the updated one , my seksy layout i have on my blog right now will vanish like poof :c

good morning . i woke up like 40 minutes ago , not feeling the vibe for this particular day . then again , when do i feel otherwise . didn't write yesterday , ahaa so i shall recap on yesterday's shiz .

met a friend i haven't seen in a while at eatons in the morning :) it was pretty chill . but it was so fucken cold outside QQ , came back , wrote music , guitar/piano etc , ate . pretty much it lmao . talked on the phone with andre for like an hour and a bit until 1 am , then tried to sleep , didn't work out . too many things on mind , too many things i'm hoping for .. things i know that i'll never get .

what if he were here ? what could have been if i hadn't been so stupid .. what if he was next to me . what if he was wanting to be next to me ..
as you can see , i'm in a very confused/retarded/faaacked up ? state of mind . i've been like this for about 4 days now , i dont exactly know why . i've been screwing up , making mistakes , regretting .. and now i know that i can't turn back anything to what i want it to be . but i guess i'm pretty neutral so i'm just gonna have to wait until my moment comes up for me again . even though i can't stand waiting for it ..

i need something to happen .

i'm okay with anything that will happen , as long as its good , and as long as it will keep me occupied . if i keep thinking about this .. what happened , what could've been between me & him , and what can't be .. i think i'm gonna go mad :x .

i need a change in my life .

i need something out of the ordinary , i need someone who's willing to keep me on track . somebody .

i'm kinda stuck . he's on my mind , day in day out . he keeps changing . that person keeps changing , i dont know why but i can't handle it . i want him to stay the same . to stay close , not to wander . i want to talk to him .

but i can't .

listening to the same songs over and over again , oh gaaad what will i do ? he's on my mind ; he's on my mind too much . i need an escape :\

i want him to be mine , mine to call ; to hold . i want to be able to talk to him about this , but i can't . i just can't .. and i can't just stand here and pretend to be oblivious , pretend to not care about him . because i do , i do so much , and he doesn't understand . he never will ..

(8) i wont rest until he's mine (8) .

^^^ahahah . susie's very possessive , no ? whaatevs , i'm normally not like this , i wouldn't give 2 shits about whats going on . but i think what i'm feeling is different . not like the others , ..

actually it might be . maybe this is all infatuation and in reality , i'll get over this like i did with every other . but i dont think this'll end soon . what i'm feeling from him .

ITS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE RETARDED PHASE .

i have absolutely nothing planned for today . so i'll probably go out and run for a bit , come back and sleep . yars i have a game plan . tmr = going over to kadijah's , dont know what we're gonna do at all . horror movies ? ;)

the past has ended , i'm not taking it with me
moving on .